


Fine Line

by orphan_account



Category: Gundam SEED
Genre: Friends to Lovers, M/M
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2010-01-02
Updated: 2010-01-18
Packaged: 2017-11-14 08:05:35
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 7,877
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/513098
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>The wedding of Athrun and Cagalli put a lot into perspective, well, for Dearka anyway.  What he wants and what's right in front of him are one in the same, yet Yzak struggles with his feelings.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

"I suppose congratulations are in order," said Yzak, not really looking Athrun in the eye, but offering him his hand nevertheless. Although it was the wedding day of Orb's princess the function was fairly quaint. It was held at the St. Gabriel Hotel on Dawn Street, one of the few places in Orb relatively unscathed by war. It was a decent enough place for the likes of Athrun, but hardly that for the likes of Princess Cagalli. Of course her poor taste spoke volumes given whom she had succumb the rest of her life to, but Athrun was her problem now and Yzak would have nothing to do with it after today. He only really agreed to go because Dearka felt like it, and he generally went where Dearka did. That's just the way it was. 

After Athrun accepted his hand and his awkward congratulations he disappeared back into the crowd, perhaps to drag Mrs. Athha-Zala out of the crowd. It was mildly amusing to imagine her people trying to say her whole name five times fast now, but more than anything these sorts of gatherings weren't his thing. He preferred kicking back in the Voltaire and keeping everyone in line, including Dearka (especially Dearka) but he supposed he could tolerate a little down time. His job mostly consisted of ignoring one group of morons and reprimanding another. Sometimes being on top was about as fun as getting dirt kicked into his eyes. Or getting a massive scar cleaved down his face (he never quite forgave Kira Yamato for that.) 

In any case, he felt like grabbing a bottle of wine and ditching the place, but Dearka was in the mood to talk to old friends. Fair enough, Yzak was a master of grunts, hmphs, and one word answers. He was a master of command on the battle field, but when it came to small talk he was utterly hopeless. He was used to a fair share of successes in the military academy he attended before joining up with ZAFT, therefore came accustomed to boasting and glorifying himself. For the longest time he thought he was on top of the world, but then goddamn Athrun outshined him. In every freakin' way he could that rat bastard outshined him to the point where Yzak just didn't care anymore. Athrun and Dearka were all he had left from those days, heck, all he had left period aside from his own mother. He just could never find a way to make friends, not that it really mattered to him. It just made these social gatherings feel rather empty and pointless, but that was just him. Dearka may have been a sarcastic jerk, but he was still better at making pals that Yzak. That wasn't saying much really.

"May I tempt you with a drink, Yzak?" said a voice that actually didn't belong to Dearka. He would have thought it was someone else, anyone else being spoken to had they not addressed him. He turned to face none other than one of Dearka's friends, Miriallia Haww. Apparently they were involved for a short amount of time, but Dearka preferred not to talk about it and that was just fine by him. Yzak wasn't very interested in girls. He never had time for them, never felt compelled to pursue one, and if one ever made eyes at him it he was bound to have missed it. Even though he didn't know what Miriallia's intentions were, he thought it rude to decline since he didn't have anything better to do. 

The two of them took a seat at one of the tables beneath a palm tree and poured themselves some wine. The area was festive, the day was bright, and there was music and laughter, things Yzak weren't quite familiar with. He supposed Miriallia wasn't in the most festive mood. She had plenty of friends, though she must have been lonely to pick Yzak of all people to spend a few moments with, or she was up to something. She didn't seem sad, just perky. Well, perhaps that wasn't the word for it. She was awfully patient with the fair deal of silence he offered her. He took a few sips of wine as the wind blew through his hair and decided that this wasn't so bad.

Then Miriallia had to start talking. 

"Weddings are so beautiful," said Miriallia, scrolling through pictures she had taken with her camera. He hoped that she wouldn't make him sit through a slideshow of five hundred pictures of Athrun in a tux, because quite frankly Yzak wasn't in the mood for Athrun. Not that he ever was, but today was all the Athrun he could stand to last a lifetime, which wasn't very much. "Though they're awfully lonely."

That got Yzak's attention. "What do you mean lonely? Isn't the point of a wedding to unite two people? It's anything but lonely."

"For the bride and groom, yes." Miriallia scrolled through more pictures, struggling to keep that friendly little smile on her face. Was this about that boyfriend of hers that got killed in battle a few years ago? Yzak couldn't quite recall how he knew of that. Perhaps Dearka said something offhand. Whatever the case may be it wasn't Yzak's problem. Everyone lost loved ones in the war and everyone had to cope in their own way. Miriallia picked a bad shoulder to cry on if that was what this was all about. He poured himself some more wine, hoping that would make any awkward topics to come more tolerable. He should have known better, really. "I guess what I'm trying to say is that weddings are lonely for those of us without a boyfriend."

"Take it up with Dearka, assuming you can find him in all these damn people." 

Yzak knocked back some more wine, and could feel a hell of a headache coming along. It was nice of Cagalli to set up reservations for long-distance friends like himself in that hotel, because he wasn't going to be driving this evening. No way in hell, especially the way Miriallia seemed to be observing him, studying him, then went back to concentrating on her pictures. It was strange, but that headache of his was growing stronger by the minute, and his mind was fading out. What the hell was he doing? 

"I would, but Dearka doesn't take me seriously," said Miriallia, pinching the bridge of her nose. That sounded like Dearka all right. There wasn't a whole lot in the world that he took seriously, so Yzak stuck by him to keep his dumb ass out of trouble, not that it worked. Dearka sometimes managed to sink in way over his head, and Yzak would have to be to pull his ass back out of the fire. Not that Dearka wasn't a perfectly capable Coordinator, Yzak was just more determined. More skilled. More dedicated to his work. 

And as a result, more lonely. Fuck it all, he was lonely. Miriallia was right, weddings were a drag. Athrun managed to beat him in being a more well-rounded individual, in having more friends, and more happiness, and he was able to fall in love and even get married. Yzak wondered, had Rusty, Miguel, and Nicol survived, would they all have moved on? Would they all have found love? What a ridiculous thing to ponder. They were dead, gone, no more. What's more, they were soldiers, and their duty to ZAFT would have come first. They weren't cheats and traitors and suck-ups like goddamn Athrun. Perhaps they would have been in Yzak's shoes, and he could have been sitting across from them and having a drink with them, as opposed to this girl whom he only knew through Dearka. Most things in his world that weren't ZAFT-related could be traced back to Dearka in some way, which seemed kind of pathetic now that he thought about it. Though he couldn't really think well with a buzz of alcohol clouding his train of thought. Also, he didn't have anything to say, and hoped Miriallia would grow bored of him and leave. 

"Yzak, can I tell you a secret? Like, you absolutely did not hear this from me." 

"Why tell me?" said Yzak, not really knowing what type of secret she could possibly tell him that he'd want to know. He hadn't dealt much with girls since the military academy, and even then he did his best to ignore them. He supposed if she absolutely must tell him that she would, and that he'd forget what she said because he didn't really care. 

"Because I feel like I should tell someone, and that you may benefit most from it," said Miriallia, pouring herself another drink. Suddenly the grin on her face turned wicked, her cheeks were tinted pink, and her chin was perched upon her laced fingers. Oh yeah, that looming headache from before was on its way to becoming a nuclear explosion. He just hoped that she didn't tell him anything stupid, like her bust size, or whatever. Some people said the weirdest crap under the influence, and it would be just his luck to actually remember what she said. 

"Between us, I think Dearka's feeling pretty lonely today, too." She then sank her cheek into her palm and sighed sadly. What kind of bull was she trying to pull anyway? Dearka was perfectly capable of finding himself a date if he was oh-so-lonely, and Yzak wouldn't get in his way. Granted Yzak did feel shoved aside whenever Dearka mentioned a girl, though he usually never mentioned the same girl twice. Either those were really dry and pathetic attempts at relationships, or Dearka had himself a secret harem that he'd been hiding from Yzak. Somehow Yzak just knew that the latter was just the drunk talking. In any case, Dearka couldn't have possibly been lonely, at least not relative to Yzak. If Dearka wanted lonely he could have fucking lonely and trade lives with Yzak anytime! Life outside of war, and business, and profit was just awkward. Even now all Yzak wanted was for Miriallia to say the hell with him and go. Actually discussing this crap made him feel even more lonely, and that was just bullshit. He was fine before any of this started. 

"Yeah, right. If Dearka's lonely then I'm a member of Blue-fucking-Cosmos." 

Miriallia growled and threw her fist against the table, igniting Yzak's temper even more. A shouting match was familiar territory, and if the girl wanted to bitch at him then he'd bitch right on back. He wasn't in the mood for this crap. First he had to throw on his best suit just to attend the wedding of one of his least favorite comrades, and now he had some girl talking bullshit at him and now she was mad. What the hell was she mad for, anyway?

"If that's how it's going to be then he's going to be lonely for a long, long time. And so are you.

"By the way, you're about as photogenic as the debris belt."

Miriallia had tears in her eyes all of a sudden, and she snatched up her wine bottle and left without so much as a huff. Yzak thought to retort with something, anything, even as generic as 'fuck you', but words just failed him. She was trying to tell him something, and just wasn't getting the message across. Sorry, Yzak just wasn't fluent in vague, or in people outside of himself in general. If Dearka was lonely then he should have just come out and said something, or whatever. There's nothing Yzak would be able to do for him other than offer him his own company, and the two of them were pretty much joined at the hip. Why the hell was Dearka lonely then? Did Yzak not count as a person, or something? The more his thoughts meandered, the more it pissed him off. The worst part was that Miriallia stomped off with the source of his buzz, but he didn't feel like finding another one. Drinking was a social thing, hence the reason Yzak hardly ever did it. 

So he did the only thing he could do. He went into the hotel in search of the room he would be sharing with none other than Dearka. If there was one place he could be alone it was there, because it was always like this. Dearka would either come in late, or Yzak would stick with him until late. Since he had lost Dearka shortly after Athrun and Cagalli's I-do's, it was pretty obvious that he had found something to occupy himself with, and other people's company to enjoy. That was just fine with Yzak. He preferred being alone. In fact, he was nothing but alone until he joined the military. He may have been the son of a PLANT council member, but he merely tolerated the other council-members' children. They didn't like him anyway, because he liked to compete, and apparently was bossy. Nothing much has changed. All he had now was someone to call his best friend.

Speaking of which, Yzak was very surprised to happen upon Dearka, laying down on the room's one bed. They were given one king-sized bed and a bathroom, which didn't bode well with Yzak at first. They didn't call this the lover's hotel for nothing, for every room consisted of a single bed. Yzak had the means in which to purchase his own room, figuring it was just some sort of crazy mix-up, but decided against it. The bed was big enough for them to keep out of each others' way, though if Dearka was a blanket hog then Yzak wouldn't hesitate to kick his ass. 

"Partied out already?" said Dearka, gazing up at Yzak and grinning. "The sun's still up, you know." 

"Look who's talking," said Yzak, kicking off his boots. If Dearka was barefoot then he was done for the day, and Yzak had to concur. This night of festivities had gone on long enough, sun be damned. Yzak decided when it was nighttime, not the sun. "I'm taking a shower."

So Yzak did, and when he stepped under the hot spray he couldn't help but wonder why Dearka was lying down in the room rather than hanging out with everyone else. It was Yzak's job to grumble and mope and go MIA during these sorts of unprofessional occasions. Was he starting to rub off on Dearka? Or did Miriallia's words from before have some ring of truth to them? Dearka didn't seem like the lonely type. He was laid back and a bit of a clown, but people seemed to like him, and he seemed to like people, so what the hell was his problem? Or maybe Miriallia was full of shit and Dearka just wanted to take a nap. A guy could only take so much in one day.

Yzak turned the dial on the shower and toweled off his hair, reveling in the lingering heat from the water. He didn't vacate the bathroom until his hair was done dripping and he was done thinking ridiculous things. He threw on a robe, and felt a sudden kick of cold air drift through the crack of the door. It was even worse when he opened the bathroom door, to find the door of the balcony open as well. There was a faint murmur of festivity, and the very distinct sound of music. It was beautiful, but it was so damn cold in the room. What in the hell could Dearka be thinking leaving it open like that?

The worst part was that Dearka wasn't standing outside, but rather near the bathroom door with a smile on his face. A very dubious smile that wasn't so much goofy and aloof as usual, but more reserved. Focused. Assessing. He was up to something, and Yzak knew just what to do when Dearka had that expression on his face. 

He scowled, turned toward the bed, and intended to throw open the covers and plop himself down in it. Whether it was the alcohol or the nature of the day, one thing was for certain. It was over now.

At least that's what would have happened, had Dearka not grabbed his arm and pulled him toward him. Yzak's frown dipped deeper. Definitely up to something, and he wasn't going to allow Yzak the decency to ignore it. Typical Dearka. 

"They're playing our song, you know," said Dearka, sliding his hand to Yzak's hip. What the fuck was he trying to do, mess around? He always had to mess around, did it to make light of situations. Military academy, Yzak had to admit, was a pile of hell. He may have been a Coordinator, but that didn't mean that they took it easy on him. They intended to max out everyone's talent, which made everyone sore and a little loony. Dearka would joke around, make fun of people, slap them in the hindquarters with a towel and tell them to keep moving, even though he was in bad shape, too. The first time Dearka slapped his Yzak took a swing at his eye and gave him a shiner. For whatever strange and twisted reason the two of them have been friends since. It never surprised Yzak when he pulled shit like this, and he stopped trying to make anything of it a long time ago. Always messing around, the goddamn fool. 

"Since when is this our song?" said Yzak, about ready to draw the line when Dearka started waltzing him around the room. Suddenly it went from cold to hot really quickly, and whether it was the influence of alcohol, or the expanded threshold for the tolerance of Dearka's jokes, Yzak didn't really want to stop. He wouldn't lie. It was a nice song. Anything Lacus Clyne sang was nice. So what? 

"Since now." Dearka's smile widened, and he pulled Yzak closer to him, close enough so that their bodies were pressed together. It was like getting drunk all over again, except rather than having his judgment clouded, it was dead. Boiled in the blood rush to his brain. "No time like the present, right?"

"You're nuts." Yzak rested his head against Dearka's chest and sighed. It was always like this. Everything in the world seemed to piss him off, and Dearka was always there. All one had to do was the math to figure out why Yzak's head hadn't exploded yet, or better yet, Athrun's. Or Kira Yamato's. Or some of the people on his squad. He certainly couldn't deny that, his mother aside, Dearka was the one in the world whom he hated the least, which made no sense. Even now, Dearka was messing around at a time where Yzak was in no mood for it, and yet he put him in the mood for it. He was tall and warm and he smelled nice, which was more than he could say for anyone else today. Everyone else was cold, and had their own people and problems to worry about. 

And Yzak had Dearka, though his intentions were unclear. Was he really just messing around? If Yzak didn't know any better he'd say Dearka had no intention of stopping anytime soon. The song was over, and after awhile their feet stopped moving. Dearka's hands trailed toward Yzak's shoulders and he wrapped his arms around the silver-haired commander. His breath died in his throat for a moment, and he wasn't quite sure what to do. His mind wasn't functioning properly, and were he in a sober state his brain would have probably screamed for him to shove Dearka away. This was just too much messing around, the kind that resulted in blurred intentions and mixed feelings. He had never been hugged by anyone for this long, not even his own mother, and it wasn't like Dearka was going anywhere, so what the hell? It was slowly occurring to Yzak that maybe, just maybe he should say something. 

"I must be." Dearka's words meant nothing really, but they derailed Yzak's snail-paced train of thought anyway. So this was why he hardly ever consumed alcohol. "Damn, Athrun's married, huh? That really throws me." 

"Who the fuck cares?" Yzak murmured into Dearka's chest. "That just means he's someone else's problem now." 

"Yeah, but damn. It made me take a pretty good look at my own life. You know how hard I've been trying to find that one special girl?"

The words 'special girl' froze Yzak's heart right in his chest. That was another thing that sucked about being drunk. He couldn't convince himself that he hadn't actually felt that. He couldn't do anything but acknowledge that it felt cold, and it hurt. He never gave a second thought to his other comrades finding girls. Athrun getting married? Whatever. Athrun could shove it in a blender for all Yzak cared. Dearka, though. One of the most annoying things about having a best friend who likes to mess around is possibly having a crush on him, and being unable to ignore what he felt in his heart because his brain was broken. Yzak couldn't figure out if Dearka was being serious, even now. He normally went with the safe option and assumed he wasn't. Were he sober Yzak would have probably shoved Dearka off awhile ago, but now while he offered it all Yzak wanted to do was revel in his warmth. He was going to fucking break Dearka's face in the morning if this was all just a stupid joke. 

"Well?"

"What about it?" barked Yzak, very unwilling to break the moment with this crap. He didn't want to hear about girls. He wasn't interested in girls, or guys really, though it seemed Dearka was a special exception. 

"Well gee, someone's got his panties in a twist."

"I don't wear panties." The grumble was almost inaudible, but Dearka caught enough of it to chuckle. He also tightened his embrace on Yzak, and by instinct Yzak brought his hands and rested them below Dearka's shoulder blades. Both of them sighed. 

"Turns out that special she is a he." 

It took a few moments for Yzak's slowed brain to take that in, but by the time it did Dearka bent down and kissed him. It was... Yzak's head should have exploded, given the flood of bliss, confusion, and doubts. Dearka never did this. Not to guys, and from what Yzak could see not to girls either. It occurred to him that he had never seen Dearka kiss a girl, or anyone, and he said it. He said his special someone was a he, as in not a girl, and then-ohgod. What in flaming hell was all this? Was he messing around? Dearka knew how far to take a joke. He learned the hard way by almost getting a knife shoved into his skull by Miriallia, so he was told. Would have served him right, the rat bastard. Maybe he really didn't know when he had taken a joke too far, and if this were a joke then Yzak would be beyond words, beyond rage. It would hurt. It would be like getting that damn gash down his face all over again, a mark of his failure. His sub-par performance. 

So before Dearka could laugh Yzak fisted his shirt and shoved him into the wall, panting for air and doing his damndest to keep tears from rolling down his face. He wouldn't give Dearka the pleasure of seeing him in such a state. 

"Fuck oww," said Dearka, massaging the back of his head. Yzak hadn't shoved hard enough to make a dent, another failure. When did he become such a failure? Fuck, fuck, his mind was a war zone. The only thing that was for certain was his anger, and damn did he have plenty of it. What he was so angry about was... was. Shit, who knew anymore? The point was that he could tear the head off a fucking mobile suit with his bare hands at this point. "What the hell, Yzak?" 

"SHUT UP!" said Yzak, two seconds away from either crying, or tossing a lampshade at Dearka's head. Both options were tempting, and yet he held back since a single ounce of logic was still bouncing around in his brain. The problem was that a single ounce of logic only went so far. "Just shut up. Damn it, it hurts."

"What hurts?" said Dearka, tempted to tell Yzak how much his own head was hurting at the moment. He actually refrained, though, knowing when enough was enough with Yzak, and it was more than enough. Nothing could have prepared him for such an explosive reaction. "Hey, chill out." 

"Fuck you!" Yzak's voice was trembling, and his knuckles were white from squeezing his fists. "Don't you ever quit clowning around?"

"Who's clowning around? Yzak, I-" 

"I don't want to hear it." Dearka decided that it was time to leave when the first tear rolled. Yzak wasn't much of a crier, he mostly dealt with pain through deafening shouts, or silence. Or he was a crier and hid it extremely well. Whatever the case, Dearka knew when he wasn't wanted. This was definitely one of those times.

"Feel better, OK?" said Dearka, wanting badly just to reach out and give Yzak's shoulder a squeeze, or something. Anything. That just wasn't happening, though. Yzak curled up on the bed with his back turned toward Dearka, and he wasn't going to budge for awhile. Good thing he got in that little nap, because he wouldn't be getting a wink of sleep with Yzak being like this. "I'm going to head back out." 

"Good riddance," Yzak grumbled, and that stung. Dearka tried not to take Yzak's temper-tantrums to heart, and mostly he didn't. He had no tact when he was mad, occasionally got in trouble for it. Well, in this case Dearka was the one in the dog house, though he swore Yzak sent him all the right signals. Whatever happened, Dearka knew where he wasn't wanted.

He knew, but that did nothing to make him feel any better. 

TBC


	2. Chapter 2

For the most part Dearka and Yzak tended to understand one another, perhaps better than the average duo could even begin to. Dearka generally knew when to put a cork on his teasing, and how to calm Yzak down when he was upset. Sometimes he was the only person Yzak ever listened to, which was a simple fact of life that followed them through the military academy, their time as soldiers of ZAFT, and even now. It was interesting to say the least. Even though Dearka was dubbed a jerk by plenty, knew it, found it hilarious, and wouldn't change it for the world, Yzak wasn't just another sap. They had been acquainted with each other most of their lives, both being the sons of PLANT representatives. It spent years being a formality. Yzak would sit alone with a book, and only played when prompted. He wasn't prompted much because he had an inferiority complex the size of Earth, and was so determined to win at everything he was just no fun to be around. Dearka and the other kids played elsewhere, though Dearka occasionally spared crazy Yzak a glance. Why was he so unhappy? Weirdo. 

Then he made a point of being polite and charming in front of his mother, which made everyone want to gag. Although he may have been a devoted little mama's boy, he said nothing about his father. Yzak would only spare two words about his father: "He's gone." Had his father died heroically Yzak would have bragged about it, and if he'd died during the Bloody Valentine tragedy he would have been outraged, much the way Athrun was about his mother. Dearka had a hunch for a long time that Yzak's father was still alive, just a dead beat festering in a remote PLANT facility, Earth, and/or with another family, not wanting to get involved in the politics and the conflict that was brewing between Earth and the PLANTs. It wasn't uncommon, but Yzak was one of the very few around who didn't have a father either dead, or accounted for. That would explain why he had a hard time getting close to anyone. He couldn't trust anybody and had no friends for the longest time. His mom was his best friend. _His mom._

For years Dearka thought that it was kind of pathetic and hilarious, but then the two of them enrolled into the military academy, and Dearka had seen a different side of Yzak. First of all, he was funny! When anyone tried to mess with him Yzak tore them a new one. Dearka thought he was full of creative insults, but Yzak was in a whole other league. Second of all, he was brilliant. He ran the fastest, climbed the highest, shot the most bull’s eye targets, got praise from his sergeants that the rest of the class couldn't even hold a candle to. Well, that's how it was for awhile, until Athrun Zala started to improve. Yzak's rage in being bested was so Earth-shattering that it put the GENESIS to shame. He was a real head case, and though his relationship with Yzak was still only in that rocky, awkward formal phase, Dearka was so amused by Yzak's antics that he couldn't help but step in every so often and make words at him. He'd mostly elicit a huff, or a reproving glare, but he couldn't get Yzak's attention the way others could, mostly stupid others that pissed him off, but still. That was no fun. 

So Dearka thought he'd be an ass after training. Although he himself was exhausted, he felt good about his progress. He had really been coming along, enough to outrun Rusty and outshoot Nicol. Then Cameron and Hornbell, pair of all talk and not action that they were, glared at Dearka as he reached for his towel and his water bottle. Simpering little girls. When they weren't looking Dearka took his sweaty towel and whacked them both in the necks, surprising the hell out of them. Both of them wailed in surprised, and Hornbell even attempted to spring to his feet to toss fists; however, Dearka threw each of his arms around their shoulders and told them to quit slacking off, or else they wouldn't amount to anything. Hornbell tried to punch him, he really did, but Dearka caught his fist and sighed. They weren't stupid. They knew they didn't stand a chance. So after that little exchange they were left to piss and moan on their own. They were no fun anyway. Slackers really bummed Dearka out, especially the ones that bragged about being so damn awesome.

If they wanted to brag, then they had to be someone who earned it by tapping into every inch of his body for strength, and every bit of his spirit for determination. Mr. Inferiority Complex on the other side of the room, Yzak, had once again been out-performed by Athrun. This was the third day in a row. They had something of a rivalry going on. Well, Yzak was the one who thought of it as a rivalry. Athrun really didn't seem to care. He just did what he did, determined as Yzak to acquire all the strength that he could so that he could make a difference. Yzak's goal was to be the best, because by his logic being less than the best was meaningless. 

Dearka decided that Yzak's attitude also pissed him off, but in a different way. It wasn't that he was no good, he was great! But if he was no good then where did everybody else stand? Nobody who busted his balls to get this far was meaningless.

Dearka intended to give Yzak's neck a whack with his towel, too, to get his attention and tell him what he thought of his attitude once and for all. This time, however, his ploy didn't go so smoothly. Yzak was oblivious to whom was standing directly behind him, and stood from his hunched over position just in time to get an ass full of Dearka's towel. Yzak yelped, some of the guys laughed, and one of them even made a wolf whistle. That's not the message Dearka intended to convey, but thanks to all the morons behind them Yzak thought otherwise. Dearka couldn't get in a damn word before Yzak punched him square in the eye. He crashed onto his ass and looked straight up at Yzak, at least with his good eye. The other boy looked infuriated, almost as though he was going to pull out a knife on them all and go on a stab fest, but that wasn't all. On top of it, maybe just a little, Yzak looked hurt. He looked almost like Dearka kicked his puppy, or something. 

Usually Dearka never felt sorry about the things he said, or did. Everything was what it was and everyone just had to deal with it. Not Yzak, though. He was lonely enough as it was without the added bonus of anyone jeering at him for being an overachiever, and for having a face and hair that made him look like a girl. If you asked Dearka Athrun was the one that looked like a girl, yet Athrun was everyone's hero for being the more humble and natural overachiever. Of course when Yzak graduated from this jerk fest first, or even second of his class, each and every single one of these boneheads would be forced to respect him. There was always a part of Dearka that respected Yzak, though he had probably succumb to being one of Yzak's worst enemies. He didn't want that. He didn't like being the kind of jerk that was just a jerk for the hell of it. He was doing well enough to graduate a red suit, and PLANTs be damned if he was going to work alongside any losers. 

But also, he couldn't very well work with someone who hated him. There were going to be enough problems with Athrun and Yzak becoming red suits. Dearka supposed he had to be the one to ease the tension. Though his antics were hysterical, Yzak would end up being the death of them if he couldn't get along with at least one person on his team. 

That was when Dearka decided that they had to make amends. No, friends. He was going to befriend a victory-crazed loony. It would be interesting to say the least, and challenging, seeing as Yzak was in expert in pushing other people away. Dearka wouldn't let any of his buttons be pushed. He was an easy-going kind of person trapped in the raging sausage fest that was the ZAFT military academy. If anyone could handle Yzak, it was him.

Though nothing could have prepared him for just how, well, easy it was to sit and converse with Yzak. He saw his peer sitting at the edge of the farthest table in the cafeteria later that day and took the seat across from him. Yzak was glowering at him, but that was to be expected. Some shouting, mashed potato tossing, or an attempt to sit somewhere else would probably follow. That would suck, considering the number Yzak had done on his eye. He looked frail and easy to snap as a twig, but damn could he throw a punch. He must not have been resting when his sergeants told him to, in favor of working his body to its very limits to acquire all the strength he could. He lost a lot of weight, and grew several inches. Dearka no longer towered over him the way he used to, and although Yzak was still the shorter of the two, he seemed larger than life. Dearka definitely had to respect the guy, and he would start by getting on his good side.

"Sorry about earlier," said Dearka, point-blank. That wasn't so hard, mostly because he meant it. He rarely apologized for anything, but his conduct earlier was uncalled for. That much was apparent in Yzak's eyes, which were suspicious and probably murdering him five-hundred different ways as he sat there. 

"You probably think I'm up to something, don't you?"

"Even a Natural with half a brain cell could see that." Yzak crossed his arms over his chest, his frown dipping even deeper which was quite a feat. He looked like an old man ready to be wheeled off to the senior center for free prunes and bingo. Dearka couldn't help but snort and chuckle a little, although that wasn't helping the situation at all. "WHAT?!"

"Yzak you're-" Dearka snorted once more and laughed out loud, not quite sure why he found Yzak so amusing all of a sudden. He was probably destroying any chance he had at getting this guy on his good side, but he couldn’t help it. Yzak was just-he was absolutely-it was "-awesome." 

"Awesome?" Suddenly Yzak's rage melted into confusion, as though that word and himself had never been put together in a sentence. Sure, his skills were described as raw, cunning, precise, and able, but he himself wasn't appreciated by too many. Who he was wasn't a venture too many jumped into, and that was just too bad. Underneath all that anger and obsession was a very intelligent, dedicated, and hilarious person. It was a wonder that Dearka hadn't seen it before. 

"That's what I said," said Dearka, taking a sip of water. "And I always say what I mean." 

"Oh, well-" Yzak's voice took a real dive on the noise scale, and suddenly his food had become really interesting to him because he was shoving it down his throat. Dearka never pegged him for the shy type. He certainly was never shy when it came to competition and training, and he'd be a commander of ZAFT before he reached his twenties, granted he didn't get his reckless ass killed. Dearka would see to it that he didn't. They were a team after all. 

They were a great team. He and Yzak had become fast friends, to the point of being inseparable. It just seemed so natural to be around Yzak, to laugh at all of his remarks, listen to the things he had to say, and express his dreams and hopes of the future. Yzak did a lot of talking, and with Dearka it really was just talking. Not yelling, not bitching someone out. In time, Yzak had calmed down, though he was still pretty bitter that Athrun usurped his spot at number one. The three of them eventually graduated as red suits, along with two others that met their end in the war. It was scary to think about, but Yzak and Dearka could have lost their lives just as easily. One of the only reasons they were still alive is because they worked together, and so well. They must have been on the same wavelength or something, because they were just plain better together. Heck, Dearka didn't even come close to having that sort of relationship with another girl, though he tried. He may have been a soldier, but he was also human. And when his human side learned that Athrun would be getting married, not through an arrangement thrown together by some old men who wanted to get into each other's wallets, but out of love, Dearka became the jealous one. 

First he managed to get on Miri's good side just enough to get a first date. Even after all was said and done he still felt bad about the comment he made about her deceased boyfriend, so the least he could do was treat her to dinner, or something. She was nice enough, they got to know each other, and she even allowed him to hold her hand and make out with her. She had a hard time believing that she was his first girl, because girls usually fell for the types with nasty attitudes. That was funny. She made him laugh, and what's more she had become a pretty good friend. The only problem was that she wasn't all there. Their relationship didn't become anything more, and neither of them were really pushing for it. Yzak contacted him at Orb one day, informing him of his promotion. He got his own team and a ship. It was everything Yzak had dreamed, and he told something that really stuck with Dearka, that being that the Jule Team was incomplete without him. Yzak's dreams were incomplete without his best friend. 

Miri overheard their little chat and dumped Dearka on the spot, telling him that his place just wasn't there with her. He couldn't agree more, though their little foray was fun while it lasted. If nothing else Dearka had made a friend, and learned to cool it with his shit talk. He definitely wasn't in love with her, though, mostly because she wasn't going to fall in love with him. She just didn't want to. Her heart wasn't ready, and it wasn't meant to be. 

He never got as close to any other girl as he had with Miri, though. The relationships he made with women were mostly physical ones, but he didn't care for them quite the way he cared for Yzak. Half the time he got dumped was because Yzak came first. He was his friend, and now his commander. Dearka couldn't say no if he wanted to. Yzak had to go through a lot of bullshit just to get Dearka enlisted again. Even some men on the Jule Team didn't quite trust Yzak's judgment, but Dearka did. Yzak wasn't stupid, and though he wasn't a traitor to ZAFT he also wasn't a puppet. He had his own thoughts, opinions, and way of doing things and his subordinates would just have to get used to that. 

Still, it was awfully lonely. All kinds of guys had a special girl they could call their own, and nothing Dearka did seemed to work. His girlfriends just didn't want to come second to Yzak, and Dearka couldn't say that he blamed them. Girls were sensitive about that sort of thing. They wanted to be the center of his life, the one special person Dearka appreciated and cared for more than anything. Somehow, though, Yzak wasn't going to budge from that spot. It became clear to Dearka that Yzak was his special person, which he couldn't really accept at first. First of all, he was not attracted to men. Dearka simply didn't swing that way. After the locker room incident some jerks thought he did, but that was just an accident. He was always attracted to girls, and damn if he'd give up on his quest for love. He just needed to find a girl that would accept his duty and friendship with Yzak. 

That quest was put to an abrupt halt when the PLANTs and Earth were at war again. He had to be beside Yzak on the Voltaire at all times. Everything that they had built to come this far meant something, and Dearka would do everything he could to protect his home, and his leader. It was about here that Dearka knew he'd never be rid of Yzak. No one else could ever come first to him, and that was because in some twisted way or another, Dearka had fallen for him. Yzak may have been a guy, but he was more than that. Dearka could have had a peaceful life with Miri, or any girl he wanted back on Orb, and when war broke out he could let some other saps do all the work. He was pretty sick of it all, and didn't really know who, or what to believe anymore. They lived in such a muddled and confused world. The one thing, rather the one person he believed in was Yzak. In a way, he felt Yzak wanted the same thing he did, only that he had a clearer view of it. Not that Dearka liked to be dependent, or let someone else do the thinking, but when he was weak Yzak could be there to pick up the pieces. And he would do the same.

Two years had passed since the passing of chairman Dullindal, and they had received invitations to a wedding. Athrun Zala and Cagalli Yula Athha helped rebuild Orb, Orb helped rebuild the broken world, and the two of them helped rebuild each others broken hearts. Athrun was torn away from those that he loved by war so damn much, but Dearka and Yzak never let that happen. Their bond was just too strong. So what the hell were they doing now? They were so close, though both had yet to become something more. Dearka spent too much time trying to build that sort of bond with girls, a bond that didn't take much effort for him and Yzak to build. Everything just kind of happened, and every stepping stone seemed as stupid as the next. What had Dearka been thinking? Acting so cheesy and then kissing Yzak without any warning. It was no wonder he thought it was a joke. The sad thing was that Dearka was completely serious. He loved Yzak. He loved Yzak more than he could even begin to imagine, and it still wasn't a very comfortable thing to accept. If Yzak reciprocated those feelings, or was willing to try, then this would be so much easier. But he had to wait for Yzak to chill the hell out.

So he stood outside of their room for hours. He told Yzak he'd be right there, and in return he was told to fuck off. Charming. He never would have guessed that he'd fall in love with such a bastard, but he did and that's just the way it was. Love wasn't easy for anyone, but it was worth the struggle. Well worth it.

"What's going on, Dearka?" said Miri, coming from the direction of the elevators. He hadn't seen her for two long years until today, and she looked better than ever. In fact, she was glowing with delight, having recently become engaged. People left and right were pairing up, getting married, whatever, and here Dearka, genius that he was, pathetically in love with the world's bitchiest man. It wasn't an ideal situation, but it was his and he simply had to deal with it the best way that he could. 

"Yzak's not feeling too well, so I'm just, you know-" 

"He'll come around," said Miri, taking a seat beside where he stood. That was a good idea. 

"I dunno, sweetie. He was pretty pissed." 

"Maybe you came on too strong?" Miri shrugged her shoulders and wrapped her arms around her knees. She was pretty good at figuring an entire situation out with very few words. If only he could have really fallen for a capable girl like her, but life simply didn't work that way. "I think you should give him some distance."

"I guess," said Dearka morosely. It wasn't like this night could get any worse. 

 

TBC


End file.
